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A Humorous Collection of Sayings—By Resia Nank


Were? – used interchangeably with and in place of Where?

Zinc – not the mineral, the basin in the kitchen or bathroom

Nekkid – naked

Purdy – pretty

Plat – braid

Pockeybook – purse

Step’n Fetch It – originally a derogatory phrase for a negro slave; now used to describe any person who is down on luck or does another’s bidding

Nicodemus – adjective referring to anything small

Chicken Neckin’ – catching blue crabs on lines tied to raw chicken necks


When the Eagle shits – when Social Security checks arrive each month

Tired as a dog – why dogs are tired is never explained

Raining like a cow pissin’ on a flat rock – a very hard rain

If a frog had wings he wouldn’t bump his ass – refers to something impossible

Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up first – translation: “fat chance”

Squeeze a nickel until it shits in his hand – (refers to buffalo nickels) someone miserly

Run anything that moves – refers to a person who pursues the opposite sex relentlessly

Going to the Store – generic reference to grocery shopping

Fart Crossways – to be upset or angry with someone “she’s got a fart crossways”

Enough to make you smack your mother – something that is very good or tempting

Ugly as a picket fence, lie gap in his teeth – refers to teeth with gaps or that a person with a center gap is a liar

He/she could bite the bottom out of a teacup and never touch the sides – refers to a person with a large oval bucktoothed mouth.

I’d rather be a wart on a dog’s ass – referring to the desire to avoid something unpleasant

His ass would make her a Sunday face – comparative term of beauty or lack thereof between two people

Too lazy to scratch fire off his ass – a very lethargic, inactive person

Can’t plant a turnip and get a pumpkin – meaning you can’t expect a child not to resemble his or her parents (other iterations: the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree)

Belongs to the milkman – a child that looks nothing like either parent

Slow as molasses running uphill on a cold winter day – moving very slowly

Old as Methusela – Bible reference; a very old person

It’ll be a cold day in hell before I … – not likely to happen

Couldn’t please her if Jesus stood on his head and stacked beebees – a woman who is impossible to satisfy